Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sober January is a disaster.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
