Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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