even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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