im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
