I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
