You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
