New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
