I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
