Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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