My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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