i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I deserve this hangover.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
