Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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