Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
