I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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