this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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