she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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