But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
