Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
