do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
