I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
