So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
