Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I deserve this hangover.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
