So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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