I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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