I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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