"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
