Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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