Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
