I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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