70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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