I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
