90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
