you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
