Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
