i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
