i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
