Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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