he told me I talked like a deaf person
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
