I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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