That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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