I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
