woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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