i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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