No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
