You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't notice because vodka
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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