just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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