if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
