I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
