is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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