it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
