Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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