I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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