Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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