We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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