I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
