A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
