so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
