Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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