I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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