The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
