i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish my penis had a tongue
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
