No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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