I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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