We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
